Dealing with the pain of change
The opposite day certainly one of my meditation college students wrote, asking for some recommendation. She was having to downsize and transfer right into a smaller condo. And this meant that she couldn’t maintain on to a few of her household heirlooms, like her mom’s marriage ceremony china. It additionally meant that her teenage son wouldn’t be capable to proceed dwelling together with her. That final half was notably painful.
So I wrote the next in response:
It’s arduous to let go of issues, and to have relationships change, so I can recognize why you’re struggling.
The adjustments you’re going by means of are distinctive to you, even when others have been by means of comparable experiences, so I provide the next solely as stuff you would possibly take as a place to begin on your personal reflections.
Is there something you’re wanting ahead to concerning the transfer? It may be that you could give attention to issues like creating extra of a way of simplicity in your life, or creating a brand new house round you that helps aspirations you could have. If there are issues you may sit up for, then specializing in these would possibly assist shift your perspective concerning the transfer.
Paradoxically, I discover myself with an excessive amount of “stuff” in the mean time. When Teresa and I moved in collectively, we ended up with duplicate furnishings. Some we removed, however we ended up with two eating tables and no room for both of them, and they also’re in storage in our basement. I look within the basement and see all of this muddle, and I generally assume that if all of it disappeared sooner or later I most likely wouldn’t discover for weeks, since I rarely have a cause to go down there, and that if I did occur to stroll into an empty basement I’d be happy! So actually we must always eliminate all that stuff, however until we had been shifting once more there’s actually no motivation to take action.
Anyway, I do like to think about the liberty and lightness that comes from not being burdened by issues I’ve however don’t use. I don’t know if that’s one thing that you may additionally embrace.
I generally additionally take into consideration the truth that sooner or later I’m going to die, and that, as they are saying, you may’t take it with you. Who would have your mom’s marriage ceremony china when you’ve handed away? If there’s nobody apparent who would take it, you then would possibly take into consideration what the distinction is between giving it away now and it being given away when you’re useless. Benefits to passing it on now (even to strangers) can be that you simply’d know another person was having fun with it, that you simply’d given them this present, and that you simply’d be in command of the place it goes. When you die, none of these issues can be attainable.
With regard to your son, I’m wondering in the event you may consider sending him out into the world as a person? Is there a way you may construct as much as ritually or ceremonially marking and celebrating this transition in his life? I can think about, for instance, that it will be pretty to create a guide of knowledge teachings (perhaps accompanied by images of the 2 of you) that would information him as he goes into the world and stay as a tangible file of his transition. One thing like which may provide you with a optimistic focus that mitigates the struggling of the change.
As I mentioned, I’m simply throwing some concepts on the market. I’d be actually fascinated to listen to what you provide you with your self.
What has helped you get by means of painful intervals of change? Why not share within the feedback beneath.